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Epiphanies, prats and polemicists

On the Edge

On The Edge
Áine Ryan

IT’s that time of the year again, the time for epiphanies as the Three Wise Men move across the desert on their camels to a little manger in Bethlehem. It is not only time for resolutions too but also to be resolute and stay steadfast in the eye of this covid-19 storm.
So, with reflective resolve as we await the rollout of the magical vaccination, these are some of On the Edge’s wishes for 2021:  
I wish that Joe Brolly would get over himself about the Mayo team and stop constantly attention seeking with his polemical writing. Clearly, he is the one who craves celebrity and not these dedicated lads who are heroes one and all. I suggest instead that Herr Brolly set up a podcast with that other inveterate attention seeking polemicist, Kevin Myers, and they can spend their time trying to outdo each other with extreme opinions.
I wish all the citizens of Mar-a-Lago well in the legal challenge by one family to stop that Dipstick of a Donald Trump and his Delusions from moving in to the social club he owns in Palm Beach, Florida.
Apparently, a lawyer representing the family has written to the powers-that-be to remind them that Trump cannot live there as a permanent residence. That is according to a planning agreement he signed in 1993 when he turned a private residence into a resort. They feel they have put up with enough secret service agents, helicopters and shutdowns to facilitate the Orange Oompa Loompa, who is about to be evicted from the White House.
Have to say, I just love lawyer Reginald Stambaugh’s letter: “To avoid an embarrassing situation for everyone and to give the president time to make other living arrangements in the area, we trust you will work with his team to remind them of the use agreement parameters,” wrote Reginald Stambaugh, the lawyer.
I wish that magpies would stop terrorising smaller birds, particularly my two pet robins, Rowena and Rosario who, despite the many meteorological challenges of the wild west, survived last winter and this one so far. They are an example to all us humans frazzled and frayed from all those Covid-19 restrictions.
I wish that the Big Fella Michael Collins had not fallen into the trap of signing the Anglo Irish Agreement of 1921 because we are all sick of the perennial problems over Northern Ireland. Like any island divided into two jurisdictions, it doesn’t look as though the issues will ever easily be resolved. What a shame that the measured voice of John Hume passed out into the ether this year.  
I wish there were not so many angry faceless trolls out there in the murky miasma of social media. Instead, why don’t you idiots find a therapist, go for a run, say a prayer, levitate, knit some socks, cop on, make sourdough bread and stop being such cowards.
I wish the Three Wise Men had brought a few women with them. Then, other than the gold, frankincense and myrrh, poor old Mary might have been given some nice girly gifts.
After all she had to give birth to the Messiah in a manger and in the days after the Feast of the Epiphany will be told by some random angel that her little family needs to get the hell out of there on their donkey, as King Herod is planning on sending soldiers to kill the baby Jesus.
Most of all though, I wish a safe and happy new year to all The Mayo News readers, especially those who roll their eyes up to heaven as they read this column.