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MUSINGS At their beck and phone call



At their beck and phone call

Diary of a homebird
Ciara Galvin

I fear the Diary of a Home Bird days are numbered. I have found myself on and perusing letting agents’ windows these past few days. I think it’s time to fly the coop. Why? Well, because the male roomie has purchased a smartphone.
I was always clear with the roomies. If either of them purchased a new piece of technology, especially a smartphone, I would be out the gap.
So, last week, my worst fear became a reality. I walked into the kitchen to see that red Vodafone bag lying on the table. I looked at the roomies. “Is that what I think it is?”
I then fell to my knees, like in that final Planet of the Apes scene.
Since the arrival of the iPhone as they are calling it (it’s a Samsung), I’ve been receiving the expected nonsensical texts: ‘well’, ‘I have alarm t’ and my favourite, a google map of Ballinrobe with a follow-up text informing me that the female roomie was ‘just trying out the phone’.
Though I’ve yet to attempt a full tutorial on how to use the phone – which will be a disaster as I haven’t a clue how to work it – I can see my evenings becoming a lot more stressful than usual.
Looking back on the past number of weeks, I can now see that the male roomie was prepping me to see what my patience could handle, before he made the purchase.
He asked me to show him how to tax the car online, for example. This ended up with me googling anger-management courses in the area while he delved into filing cabinets to find insurance details, cursing the ‘fool proof’ filing system.
After going through the process of retrieving pin codes and filling in the insurance details, Ciara here pressed ‘back’ one too many times, and we had to start from the very beginning. Luckily – thank heavens for technology – within a few clicks we were back to the final stage of payment and the neighbours didn’t wind up with a Dell PC in their back garden.
So, how is the male roomie getting on with his new phone? Well, considering he’d had the phone four days when he asked ‘Can someone ring my phone and see do I have a ringtone?’, I’d say it’s baby steps so far. Still he reckons that before long, NASA will want to recruit him.
Just last week he informed myself and the female roomie that he visited a flight-tracking website in his computer class, which informed him that a Boeing 747 was just leaving Shannon bound for New York. I told him he should visit flight-comparison website Skyscanner. He asked what ‘sky spanner’ was.
It’s not that I refuse to sit down with him and help him get to grips with his smartphone, it’s  the timing. It’s like he knows when I’m rushing somewhere important and he pounces. Both of them have that knack.
I could be putting in contact lenses in a rush before heading out on the tiles when I’ll hear, ‘Ciara you wouldn’t show your father how to send a message would you?’ A few days ago, the male roomie even tried to bribe me into helping him, saying he wouldn’t move his car out of the way of mine in the driveway until I showed him how to Google. He was only half joking.
He finally enlisted the help of my sisters-in-law and his colleagues in his quest to learn how to ‘drive the phone’. But before I could breathe a sigh of relief, I overheard the female roomie asking a question that has filled me with cold dread: ‘Do you think I should get one?’.

In her fortnightly Diary of a Home Bird column, Ciara Galvin reveals the trials and tribulations of a twenty-something year old still living with her parents.